Score: 10

"Nice"

submission: Madness Accelerant

date: September 25, 2009

I thoroughly enjoyed this game, I must say. The points I particularly liked about it are that the enemies came at you in fair numbers and the boss battles weren't outrageously painstaking to master, although still tough at times.

No major problems at all with the game, it was all very smooth and pleasure to play; especially with JoyToKey (I honestly don't know how people play games now without it). I did come across a small bug yesterday, in which I dropped the bosses health down to zero (continually jumping on his head, out of the way of his fiery breath) at his second coming yet when I went into the next room he came back with 500 health and I had nowhere to go, so I had to restart.

Although having just completed it, I still feel there should be more to this game. I can't really put my finger on it. Usually, with you guys, the games are A LOT harder, they take a few cracks at it to achieve your goal. With this, however, I was able to master it within a couple of goes. I want to continue playing it, but there's nothing really left for me to do, detracting from the replay value. I think more medals would probably help; a medal for over 100 kills, a couple of comedy medals. Perhaps even a difficulty setting.

Don't get me wrong, though, this game is totally awesome, and a great way to kill an hour. I just wish it could kill a couple more hours, ya know, it has so much potential.

Score: 10

"I did it! YAY!"

submission: Cave of Wonders

date: September 13, 2009

After spending hours of my life playing this game, I have, at long last, managed to obtain all the glorious medals. Which means I have actually played the game, and not written a review out of spite because the game is too "WAH WAH WAH HARD". If anything, this game is actually too easy. After a couple of attempts (and having to fire up the trusty JoyToKey) I was able to beat all forms of Luis losing only a tiny bit of health.

The true tricky bit to this game is (or was) escaping the cave. Before the update, I kept dying due to a small glitch that kept forcing my through the floor, causing me to fall into the abyss. Thankfully, that was fixed, and I was able to escape the cave in 219 seconds. SO CLOSE. After a few more attempts, I achieved a time of 189 seconds, giving me my "YOU HAVE NO LIFE" medal. Honestly, the game was easy enough with a single life, all you had to do was (HEAVEN FORBID) practice a little.

I thoroughly enjoyed this game (although very similar to CC The Beard), and it saddens me when I see a low scoring review from some 10 year old crying "ITS TO HRAD".

Protips:

> Single repeated "A" taps yield 3 times the damage than the double jump swinging combo thingy attack

> The first two forms of Luis do (comparatively) little damage to you. If you're going for the speed run, just use the "A" taps for +3 damage, even if he is shooting fire. Stay in the middle and move around when he's a bubble and throws lollies- these can be dangerous. He only does one bubble throwing lolly chucking formation if you're pro at pushing "A" and kill him.

> Double jumps onto floating platforms or over holes are not always the way to go. Think, does that gap REALLY need a super jump?

> 200 seconds is actually a fair whack of time. Even if you fall down a hole, you can still achieve the >200 seconds medal.

Great work, chaps!

Score: 10

"Haha"

submission: 2nd Annual Tank Awards

date: March 7, 2009

Everything about this is excellent. Especially the cry babies who are bitter "there she is" didn't win. It's absolutely no wonder Tom continues to show complete and utter contempt for his user base.

Anyway, as I mentioned, I was laughing throughout this movie. It was so dire, it was brilliant.

Score: 10

"Just amazing in every way."

submission: Professor Layton pt.1

date: November 15, 2008

Never have I laughed so hard at a Flash. This is, in fact, the greatest series ever to grace Newgrounds, it's truly hysterical.

I love everything about it, the way everyone appears to talk over each other, the crappy (sorry!) art style and the complete disregard for political correctness. Just perfection.

Please, for the love of God, continue making this series.

Favourite'd and five'd.

Score: 10

"Difficult at first, but thoroughly enjoyable."

submission: Castle Crashing the Beard

date: March 14, 2008

Took me three attempts to crack this, but I eventually got it.

The game play was perfect, I didn't encounter a single problem playing this; any issues with controls were down solely to me being completely incompetent with my keyboard.

I enjoyed the level up system, which was a nice surprise, as the NG level icons offer so much to a flash creator, but are seldom used in submissions (I particularly liked the last upgrade, t'was amusing).

The graphics were smooth and aesthetic. The sound was pleasing, as it was more of a background noise, which is excellent, because I can't stand music which is too loud when playing a game, as it overrides my pathetic senses, and that leads me to getting confused. (Tom is a crap voice actor, though).

Overall, it's an extremely nice challenge. Although it's short, it's nothing but sweet.

Protips for players:

Whacking gravestones gives you +1 experience, and keep on hitting them for combos, this is an easy way to upgrade and get a better weapon. Don't knock them out of view though, as this will mean you'll lose the use of them.

Follow patterns of 'The Boss', when you hear that laser chargin' up, stay at the bottom when it's firing, then move right to the top. It always fires high, then low.

Remember you have magic to charge your weapon with, this is an effective way of doing super damage to Tom, plus it will give you more combos = faster upgrades.

Lastly, it's not over until it says it's over.

Score: 9

"Painfully frustrating."

submission: Even More Bloons

date: March 3, 2008

After a couple of days of playing this on and off, I have finally beat it. I can assure you, with each passing level, I could feel the blood vessels in my head starting to swell up. Sure, all the levels are completely possible, although they do take a good few tries to get anywhere close to your targets.

I'm still personally under the impression that some of these levels are just blind luck, most noticeably level 38. It took me at least 50 attempts to get this right, as every dart needed to be placed perfectly. I finally got it, thank God, as my girlfriend was getting quite annoyed with me swearing all the time.
It was with some relief that all the levels after 38 were much better, and only took a couple of attempts to complete.

The graphics are what I expected; basic but aesthetic. Sounds were also minimal, but there's something satisfying about hearing those balloons pop. Reminds me of bubble wrap.

To be completely honest, there's not much to improve on. I can't mark you down for it being too hard, because making it easier would just ruin the excitement of beating that pointlessly difficult level. So, yeah, keep on truckin' with it.

Overall verdict: Great game, extremely tedious and frustrating, but you get a nice feeling when you finally complete it.

Score: 10

"Incredibly funny"

submission: Adolf Hitler:CAI493+D 144

date: January 6, 2008

I don't know what it is about this series, but it always makes me laugh.

This instalment was just pure genius, but it doesn't quite beat the slowpoke episode, which had me crying with laughter for about 10 minutes.

Seriously.

Great work, sir. The best series on NG!

Score: 10

"Outstanding"

submission: Waterlollies

date: November 5, 2007

This is quite arguably the finest series on Newgrounds. There's something about the simplicity of the story line, along with the world class animation that just brings it together nicely.

These animations remind me of watching kid's TV when I was a child, and my parents would sit down and watch them with me. I always thought they were just keeping me company because I was small, but I like to think they sat there because they were enjoying the cartoon, too. The point I'm trying to make is, although the narrative is easy to understand and that there isn't any adult humour, per se, you don't have to be young and naive to enjoy this. Any one of any age can watch and feel fantastic about themselves.

Very rarely are there animations submitted to Newgrounds which are truly classed for everyone, but I challenge anyone on this site to watch this, and not enjoy themselves.

Really, this is a fine piece of creativity.

Score: 10

"Tear jerking."

submission: Mario And Friends Goof Up

date: October 14, 2007

This submission is by far the greatest animation to ever grace the front page of Newgrounds. It's use light, graphical superiorities, non-diegetic and diegetic sound make this flash beat all it's competitors with ease.

Let's talk a little more about the graphics. Well, what can I say apart from "superb"? I have never seen anything like this before in my life. The way in which this animator has not only managed to create his own sprites (which, by the way, are better than the real things) but has also given the main protagonist, Mario, a bright yellow awe about his person. It's truly incredible.

It's the use of light and vibrant colour in the above paragraph that makes this flash really stand out. The incredible tones just scream "I am aesthetically pleasing on the eye". At one stage, I thought I was going to have an embolism it was so good.

Which brings me on to the sound. What can I say? I mean, seriously? This animator is obviously a trained voice artist. I couldn't tell the difference between the ripped sound and the sound of the actual artist speaking. You know you have talent on your hands when someone is able to do that.

Overall, this flash is just 100% incredible. It is, in my humble opinion at least, the very best flash on Newgrounds.

Score: 2

"Absolute drivvle."

submission: :: Car Wash ::

date: August 29, 2007

Having just come back to Newgrounds for a few seconds, I can see why I left.

I just find this sort of material so banal. Watching illwillpress you think "Yeah, he can more or less create flash" but so what?

The animation style was way below average, or about par in terms of this animators abilities. The script was diabolical, full of the usual smut and tripe that we come to expect from such a respected artist. Any jokes within the script are beyond words, and the fact you've actually watched and enjoyed this makes me want to cry.

Basically, if you like masturbating over some poorly drawn cartoon character, this is the flash for you.